It’s Not That Bad, Really…..
22 Feb 2010 1 Comment
in God, Relationships, Christianity
Recently I attended a singles event after being badgered and begged (trust me, it takes a lot of begging to get me to go to these things!) It was nice, until the leader got up and stated the purpose of the group. The intentions are great, but he said something along the lines of, “We can do all the social events and fun things we want, but at the end of the day you’re still going home alone. You still deal with loneliness and feeling as though you don’t belong.” His point was they were there to encourage singles and let them know that they are valuable. I, however, was sitting there thinking,”Really? Are things that bad for us? I had no idea!” I know that we all experience loneliness from time to time and I don’t want to discount others’ experiences, but I really believe that while there are singles who struggle with loneliness regularly there are plenty of us who have chosen to embrace the life we have right now and not be defined by our singleness. This is the perfect time to get involved in various activities, ministries, etc. because we’re not tied down to responsibilities that come with being married and having a family of your own.
It seems as though singleness bothers other people more than it does those of us who are actually single. For single women, it’s as though other people hear our “biological clocks” ticking more loudly than we do. I can promise you, we know how old we are and we do think about such things from time to time, but for most of us it does not dominate our thoughts day in and day out. I desire to be married and have children of my own more than anything, but I cannot let it stop me from making the most of the life God has given me now. If I spend all my time longing for “the one” and scrutinizing every single guy I come in contact with, scoping out whether he is marriage material or not, how many things am I missing out on? I could be missing out on a great friendship just because I’ve decided the guy isn’t marriage material and therefore not worthy of my time.
I’d love to hear your thoughts……
— Kristy
Feb 22, 2010 @ 13:43:16
WOW have I ever got some comments! I am sure you figured I did since I am generally quite opinionated (often to the general annoyance of others)
I agree with you. I’m not a lonely person at all. I have loads of friends literally loads. I think it is a bit silly to assume that because someone is what is deemed as “Single” that they are lonely. I encounter married people everyday who feel like they are completely alone in the world. A lot of times they are just afraid to speak of how alone they feel because they do not wish to be judged; as the “church” has deemed their status as ideal. To admit that perhaps it is not ideal is to them embarrassing. But believe me, I speak to people regularly who are married or in relationships who are frequently on the edge of despair because of their feelings of isolation. Perhaps their loneliness manifests itself in a different way, but they are lonely just the same.
My main problem with being single is that I don’t like being perceived as different or put into some kind of box. I strive very hard to not be labeled as anything by anyone. But, because I don’t like to be different, I like to be like everyone else. Strange, I know coming from a person known for her uniqueness, but yes, since I have been unique and felt different my whole life I have always striven to be “like everyone else” and by that I mean like the “cute little churchy girls” whose biggest concern it seems in life is what color dishes to buy that match the new kitchen paint properly. It is a superficial existence, or appears to be, but it has been one I have always wanted and have yet to attain, because it is not fun to not be like everyone else.
The only place I have ever been “lonely” is within my own mind. This is because I tend to think of things which most people don’t. My mind can go into some pretty dark places because of my ability to think on things abstractly. It is a frightening place to go alone. Especially when the response I get from most is “Oh really Kym who thinks about stuff like that but you!”…. AND THIS….is why I am single, because I do not tolerate that sort of failure to understand my thought process…I love deep thinking….I don’t like to be made fun of because of it and I don’t like to be dismissed. It is better to me to be single and have my thoughts be solitary and lonely seeming than to be married and pretend to adore someone who can’t understand my mind….and yet to still be alone….because loneliness is more than physical..to me it is mental…
As for it bothering other people more than me that I am single..I have not noticed that for myself…I know a lot of people do express this and have heard them do so…perhaps the “leader” was well meaning in their statement because of thoughts expressed by someone else in the group? I am not sure…But I understand your frustration because it’s sort of like “Well THANKS I didn’t realize I was that tragic until you pointed it out!”
But, I’m right there with you my friend..and I enjoyed reading this..but those are some thoughts from the mind of Kym!
Love you!